Dear Mom and Dad,
I think I owe you an apology. Probably more than one, really, but this will have to do for now. They say it takes a big man to apologize, and I think I’ve got that part covered. It takes an even bigger man to admit his mistakes in person, but sheesh, I’m not Andre the Giant. This is the apology letter that I will never write to you directly, but will instead publish on the internet so I feel better about myself without actually having an intimate conversation that would require acknowledging real feelings or generating any resolution for you. My chosen online peers tend to affirm whatever I post, so this seems like a surefire winner for my self-esteem, which I know is what you would want for me, if you were around to read this. Not that you’re dead, just that you won’t see this since we’re not Facebook friends.
That’s probably the first thing I should apologize for – I’ve always talked down Facebook so that you wouldn’t join and I’d have the awkward situation of deciding whether to accept your friend request or not. “I’m not sure Facebook is for you, Mom, I think you need a .edu email address to get an account.” Sorry, that was pretty selfish of me, feel free to join Facebook anytime, though I’m not sure that Facebook is open to retirees yet – probably soon though!
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